Reality Check: The Blender Vaccuum

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I am a texture person when it comes to food. If I don't like it there is a 99% chance it is due to an unpleasant-to-me texture. Case and point. (Unless the food is green beans and then they're just plain gross.)

Smoothies are great. What better way to eat all the fruit flavors that I love than to make them completely devoid of texture. Or at least transform them into the most neutral texture possible: liquid.

Enter the blender. Born in the 1920s out of the necessity for prohibition era drink mixers (conjecture not fact) and viralized by the 1940s housewife, the blender (originally blendor) is all but perfect. Our blender, a.k.a. my roommate's blender, even has a spigot, so it is obviously made just for smoothies. Except for the cursed Blender Vortex. You know what I'm talking about. When the blades try to take flight, leaving all those chunks of texture hovering just out of reach. Ugh, I hate texture.